


Finding the Path

by Msmadamemeg



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, F/M, Loneliness, Loss of Limbs, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trespasser DLC, Trespasser Spoilers, Violence, no previous relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-19 06:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8193952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Msmadamemeg/pseuds/Msmadamemeg
Summary: After the events of the Exalted Council and the Inquisition is disbanded, Ellana finds herself alone and wondering where to go with her life. Her heart tries to pull her towards the South Reach, towards a man whom she is unsure has any feelings for her. Will she pursue that path, seeking happiness, or will she take the safe road?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is a story idea that popped into my head. I just wrote it in one sitting and wanted to post it to see if it would be of any interest. I will continue to write and probably post again in the next few days or so.  
> It is after Tresspaser and follows an Inquisitor who had no romance during the game.  
> This intro mostly focuses on what happens after as well as introducing the type of relationship already established between Ellana and Cullen, as well as where they are right now.  
> I hope you enjoy and I apologize it is a little short, my goal will be to have the subsequent chapters be longer and have more.... everything, in general.  
> Please feel free to let me know what you think in the comments!

Ellana stands on the balcony outside of her quarters in the night, staring out into the vacant courtyards below. She brings her right arm up and holds onto herself, huddling as best she can against the cool wind that blows past her and into the open doors at her back. A brief flicker of light flashes here and there down below, a reminder of the few who remain. In comparison to the amounts of who were here less than a year ago, it is almost completely empty of inhabitants. 

The necklace around her neck vibrates slightly against her collarbone, warm against her skin. “Right on time,” she smiles as she grabs the crystal, missing Dorian as he says his goodnight. She sighs and lets go, turning and walking back into the confines of her room. Shutting the door behind her she walks over to the couch in front of the lit fireplace. Ellana sits down and brings her legs up, back resting against the arm rest. She folds her left arm against her body, fighting away the feeling of the hand that is no longer there. She curls her right arm around her legs and turns her face towards the fire, resting her cheek on her knee. 

Ellana stares into the flames, loneliness crowding her. She hasn't felt this lonely since before the conclave, before her life changed forever. Now six months after the Exalted Council and two months after the Inquisition was officially disbanded, she is more lonely than before. 

Cassandra remains in Val Royeaux, always busy with her duties as the Divine. Ellana has been able to visit once or twice and they still sent messages to each other when they can. But, still in the early years of her newly appointed position, Divine Victoria always has a full agenda.

Varric left two days after the Exalted Council, having to return to his duties of Viscount. He ensured that Ellana and the others joined him for another game of Wicked Grace before he left, ensuring that everyone he could get his hands on would attend (with the exception of Cullen, much to his displeasure). He sends letters reminding Ellana of her home awaiting her in Kirkwall, tempting her with the power of the key to the harbor. She promises she will visit soon, that being her first planned stop once she leaves Skyhold. 

Dorian left a week after the Exalted Council, having to return to Tevinter to resume his own missions. Every night since, right before she goes to bed, he sends her warmth through the crystal around her neck to remind her that he is always there. They have still talked through it every now and then, but the constant reminder that he's thinking of Ellana comforts her every night. 

Sera was the first to leave after the Inquisition disbanded. She and Dagna took off one day, too antsy without much to do after the Inquisition was officially over. She showed much resignation and tried to persuade Ellana to go with them. After Ellana promised to join them in a few months, she celebrated (in much a Sera fashion) and left the next day. 

Bull left a week after Sera, the Chargers set on a new mission. He gave Ellana as much of a detailed description of his travel plans before they left in the hopes she would meet them someplace. Ellana laughed and said it wouldn't be hard to track down a mercenary band led by a Qunari with an eye patch. After she narrowly missed his playful punch he grabbed her and pulled her into a big hug, which she returned with as much force as she could. After hugging all of the Chargers, ending with Krem (who hugged with more force than Bull), she watched them leave from the battlements until they were out of sight. 

Cole and Maryden followed soon after. Cole explained that they wanted to go and spread as much hope and happiness across Thedas they could, Ellana could not refuse them. She did all she could to give them everything they could carry to help them along their journey and she made them promise to stay together. They laughed and hugged her, leaving Skyhold with hands clasped and broad smiles across their faces. 

It wasn't long before staff levels began to reduce and whatever soldiers remained went on to find a purpose elsewhere. Slowly Skyhold began to empty out and rooms became dusty with disuse. 

Leliana was the first advisor to leave. She disbanded her agents and freed the crows. She gave vague answers as her to plans, claiming to want to go to a simple life. Ellana knew better but kept her mouth sealed, watching with a broken heart as her Spymaster left her for good. 

Josephine was next. She made detailed plans on how to finish clearing out Skyhold, entrusting them with her closest apprentice. She fussed over Ellana and tried to make as many accommodations for her once she left, reminding her of the many options that lay out before her for her life to follow. Ellana had to all but shove Josephine out of Skyhold, reminding her of her duties as the Head of the Montilyet household, promising to send letters as often as possible. 

Only a week ago did Cullen leave. He remained for as long as possible, almost appearing to not want to leave. After Leliana had left he became more reserved, staying in his office for longer periods of time. Ellana noticed it get worse after Josephine followed and she tried her hardest to give him space, but craved the companinship of her remaining advisor and friends. She had thought… hoped that they seemed to be getting closer before the Exalted Council. Afterwards, he became distant and time proved to not be on her side; matters did not improve. 

During the Inquisition’s early days she and Cullen had been too focused on the task at hand. She would admit to having been attracted to him at the start, but with the threat looming over them and his clear focus being primarily on his duties Ellana followed suit, doing everything she could to help those she came across and do all that was expected of her as the Inquisitor. 

After Corypheus fell she had hoped things would change. However, life had other plans as she spent the first year following traveling across Thedas and meeting as many important people she could. Everyone had wanted to spend time with the Inquisitor, the one who defeated Corypheus and saved the world. 

When she finally returned she found him away on a mission. She spent that time recuperating from her adventures and catching up on paperwork and other menial tasks. When he came back to Skyhold she allowed him a reprieve before slowly seeking out his company. They spent a lot of time playing chess and taking walks across the battlements. She would slip in a flirt here and there, hiding her joy when seeing him react by rubbing his hand along the back of his neck. She became hopeful, trying to work up the courage to make a move. But she was also doubtful. He was a human, she was an elf. She was the Inquisitor and he the Commander of the Inquisition’s army. But those thoughts were erased when the Exalted Council was announced, and her life went through another change. 

When he left she didn't see him go. He had said goodbye the night before, wanting to leave before sunrise. It was short and professional and her heart tempted to betray her the entire time. He ended it with a handshake and turned without looking back. Ellana quickly retreated to her chambers and didn't leave its confines the entire next day. 

With his departure, that leaves Ellana as the only one left in Skyhold from the Inner Circle. A handful of servants and guard remains, all waiting for her to finally leave before they move on. 

That's what she's finding it hard to do. Move on. Ellana knows she has many places she could go and would be welcomed. She has an estate in Kirkwall. She could travel with Sera and her friends, freely wrecking havoc wherever they go. Bull and the Chargers would welcome her as one of their own. She knows those are places she can go and would be welcomed and happy. But that's not what she wants. 

She wants things to have stayed the way they were. Before the Exalted Council and Fen’Harel ruining everything. Before everyone left her. Before she lost her hand. 

A shiver runs through Ellana as she is reminded once more of her loss. She clutches her arm closer to her, closing her eyes and clenching her face. A ghost of pain surges through her and she fights it off, knowing that there is no true cause. The mark is gone along with all of its magic and pain. 

Ellana focuses her mind to a different topic. Her mind travels to South Reach. She knows he would have arrived by now and been reunited with his siblings. He may have even begun on his plans of creating a clinic for Templars wanting to get off of lyrium. She glances out of her window and tried not to wonder what he is doing now and if he is happy. 

She closes her eyes and sighs, pushing those thoughts away as well. She pulls herself off of the couch and makes her way around and to her bed, allowing her body to sink into the covers and trying to get her mind calm enough to allow sleep to take her.


	2. Chapter 2

Cullen stands before the large building, staring at it with speculation. It stands two stories tall and with fresh stone encasing the home. Large windows show a view to the inside, furniture covered with cloth visible from where he stands. The front is bordered with shrubs tall enough to brush his shoulders and a stone path beneath his feet leads from the road behind him to the front door. At his right sits a stables with enough room for a dozen mounts. 

His own mount nudges him on his shoulder and Cullen reaches up and pats the horses snout. “Come on,” he says with a smile, grabbing the reins and bringing the horse to the smaller building. Toby follows on his heels, the mabari on alert in their new surroundings, nose taking in new smells as the wind glides past them. 

He guides the Ferelden Forder into the stables and ties the lead, taking the time to remove the bags draped across his back. Cullen sets the luggage aside and closes the door, grabbing an apple from one of the bags and feeding it to the horse. Cullen pets his snout, murmuring words of encouragement. 

Cullen grabs all the bags he can carry and makes his way towards the larger building, hesitation seeping into him. He opens the door and lets himself in, setting the bags down and looking around. 

He stands in an open foyer with stairs leading to the second floor on his left. Open archways sit upon each wall, all leading to different rooms. A covered couch is on his right with a table next to it and paintings line the walls. A table sits in the center of the room with a vase of freshly picked flowers and a note in front of it. Cullen walks up to it and sees his name on the front in a familiar scrawl. He glances around once more before opening the note and reading the contents. 

_Cullen,_

_I know what you are thinking; that this is too much. I can assure you that is not the case. After all that you have done you have earned this and more. I could not find it in myself to give you a mere plot of land and a small shack; I wanted to provide you a sanctuary worthy of your cause. I want you to accept this place and make it your own. Do not send me letters with chastisement or expressions of guilt, you should know I will not falter in this decision. Besides, it has already been built and outfitted to your needs. I do wish you will enjoy it and regret that I will not be able to visit any time soon. I wish that I will be able to make time within the next year or so, but as of now that possibility is unknown._

_I look forward to hearing from you, and please let me know if you have any needs._

_Regards,_

_Divine Victoria  
Cassandra Pentaghast_

Cullen smiles at the note and sets it back down on the table. She is right in assuming he would be mad and turn down a gift of a place such as this. He fights the urge to write a polite but stern refusal of her gift and leave the place and never return. He knows there is no point in arguing with her. A person with her power and influence is not someone to be trifled with. 

He turns to the room on his left, passing through the arch and into a large office. A desk rests near the farthest wall and bookcases line the wall to his right. A few chairs sit across the desk with a chaise nearby. The window on his left is wide and open, staring out onto the front yard with the road not far from view. A perfect way to see any visitors who approach. 

He leaves that room and goes for the one across from it, to the right of the entryway. He finds himself in a large dining area with a table worthy of seating a dozen with space for more if needed. From there is a door leading into the kitchen with space for many cooks to work together and not impede upon each other. Another door from there leads to the large room that was directly across the entry. 

Chairs and couches dot the room with tables in appropriate places. Cullen recognizes the signs immediately labeling it a common room. A fireplace sits ready for use along the wall with french doors leading to the back of the house on both sides. A few chairs sit at a table with a beautiful chess set on top, waiting to be used. Cullen lets his eyes glaze over the set, not wanting memories to intrude upon his exploring. 

Cullen approaches the doors to the outside and opens them, Toby sweeping past his legs into the open air. He stands upon a small patio with steps leading out onto the large yard, blank and waiting to find a purpose. Cullen imagines space set off for a sparring and practicing as well as a garden tucked into a corner for herbs. The back of the yard is lined with a forest of large trees, the lowest branches nearing eight feet above the ground. 

Toby runs through the grass, tongue lolling out slightly at the side. Since they had left Skyhold he has been enjoying the open fields and lack of crowded spaces. Cullen can't help but feel the same, however every time he thinks of the large castle in the mountains a slight pain tinges his heart. 

Pushing those thoughts away Cullen turns back and enters the house once more, whistling for the mabari to follow. Toby quickly joins his side and he shuts the door behind him, cutting through the common room and making for the stairs. Once upon the second floor he finds himself in a hallway stretching from one side of the house to the other. The hall is lined with doors, Cullen counting fifteen in all. He starts at the left once more, opening each door to inspect the inside. 

The left side of the house is all bedrooms, each filled with a simple bed, dresser and small writing desk. As he nears the right side the rooms get slightly larger until at the very end is the largest. In the middle of the line of rooms sits a large washroom with partitions around separate waste basins and a handful of bath tubs. When he investigates the large room he finds it outfitted with a king sized bed, large dresser, chaise and sitting chairs and a fireplace on the wall. In the room he finds a door leading into a private washroom with a tub and waste basin. He steps back into the room and knows that the room was intended for him. He looks around and tries to fight the urge to settle himself in a smaller one, knowing that Cassandra would be miffed to discover him denying the room. 

Cullen sighs and looks towards his feet at Toby, the mabari staring at him, waiting for him to make a move. Cullen reaches down and pets Toby’s head with a smile. “Come on, lets grab our things, shall we?” he asks. He receives a bark in response and laughs, making his way out of the room and down the stairs. 

Once Cullen is in his room and unpacking his belongings he hears a knock on the front door. Toby barks in response, immediately moving between Cullen and the door leading into the hall, hackles raised. Cullen reaches for the dagger in his belt and makes for the door, Toby on his heels. 

When they are down the stairs Cullen orders Toby to sit, unsure of the visitor. He slowly opens the door and peers outside, eyes landing on the intruder. “Bran!” he exclaims in surprise. 

“Cullen! You didn't mention this place would be so big,” his brother replies, stepping past him and into the foyer. He looks around in wonder, eyes taking in his surroundings. 

Cullen removes his hand from his dagger and laughs softly, hand moving to rub the back of his neck. “I didn’t know it would be like this, it was a surprise to me too,” he admits. 

Bran turns to him and Cullen instinctively takes in his person, checking the state of his younger brother as Bran kneels to pet Toby. Standing just a few inches shorter than him, but in a similar shape (smaller, Cullen will admit), he looks much like the man he always imagines his brother would grow to be. The standard Rutherford blonde hair sits atop his head but his eyes reflect a darker brown instead of Cullen's hazel. “Really?” Bran asks, rising into a standing position. His eyes land on the note on the table and he reaches for it. “Oh, who is this from?”

“The Divine,” Cullen replies, fighting the urge to wretch the note from Bran’s hand. 

His brother reads the note quickly, snorting before he puts it down. “She knows you very well. But you know you can't turn down a gift from the Divine. Especially when she clearly went through all this trouble,” he says with a flourish, arms gesturing to the room around him. 

Cullen sighs, running a hand down his face. “I know, Bran.”

Bran laughs, stepping forward and clapping Cullen on the shoulder. “I'm merely teasing. Do you want to show me around?”

Cullen assents and leads his brother through the house, following the path he took before. Toby follows enthusiastically, running ahead of them and into the rooms as they pass through each. They finish and make their way back down to the common room and rest themselves on the separate couches, talking idly. 

Since he has returned Cullen has become comfortable once more in the confines of his family. He was received with happiness at first, but it quickly melted into sorrow and anger once his siblings expressed their thoughts on his absence. He spent a lot of time the first few days apologizing and doing what he could to atone but he knew it would be a while before they would truly forgive him. Mia took it the hardest, he knew, as she took the brunt of the blow being the oldest and having to take charge once their parents passed away. 

She took the responsibility with grace, much as Cullen knew she would. She helped build a new home for the family in South Reach and led Bran and Rosalie into adulthood. She grew their farm into the success that it is now and provided for them the best she could. Once she found her husband she used that same force to build a new family all on her own while still clinging closely to the ties she had with the rest of the family. 

Cullen knows how much she tried to reach out to him. To know that he was alive and safe and happy. He kept all of the letters she sent him locked away, out of sight and out of mind. But she persisted and he would reply with the barest of information every now and then. He knew when he returned he would face her wrath. Not just for not responding to her, but for letting them suffer without knowing anything about him, let alone if he was alive. 

He notices it most when they look at him when they think he isn't paying attention. And in their voices when they're telling him of stories long past. The guilt continues to grow in him the more time he spends around them, which is part of the reason he already insisted on leaving Mia’s to move into the home and clinic to-be. 

“How long until you expect your first arrival?” Bran asks. 

“Another week or so, I believe. I have been communicating with a man named Rylen; he used to be in charge of the keep in the Western Approach. When he heard I was going to open this clinic to help Templars free themselves from Lyrium, he wanted to be the first volunteer,” Cullen says, gaze focused on the view through the doors leading to the back. 

“That's very brave of him,” Bran comments solemnly. 

Cullen looks to his brother in surprise, caught off guard by his tone. He never went into details as to what the withdrawal process was like but he wasn't too surprised that they could guess based upon his lack of details. 

Before Cullen can comment the front door bursts open and a cacophony of footsteps reaches their ears. Cullen stands and peers into the opening, smiling at the sight he is greeted by. 

Mia and Rosalie step through the door, calling out to their children while their hands stay firmly clasped around the bundles in their arms. Mia’s two daughters and son as well as Rosalie’s two sons run through the foyer, immediately exploring the new territory provided to them. Their ages range from three to eight and Cullen is still trying to get their ages straight after stumbling through acquainting himself with their names. 

Toby barks happily, hearing the familiar sounds of the children and heads into the room. “Brian, Will get off of the stairs! Stay down here,” Rosalie calls to her two who chased Toby through the house. Cullen holds back a sigh, knowing he should reprimand the mabari but did not want to deny Toby one more time of playing with the children. Cullen and Bran quickly make their way into the foyer, presenting themselves to their sisters. 

Mia smiles with relief when as sees them, “Oh, Maker. Can you please hold this? I need to figure out where the children ran off to. Cullen can you lead Rosalie into the kitchen? Bran come with me and help me rally them all into one room.”

Bran immediately follows Mia, automatically bidden to do her will. Rosalie smiles at Cullen and leans up as far as she can, trying to avoid squishing the bundle in her arms as she plans a quick kiss on his cheek. “Hello brother. Thanks for inviting us into your new home.”

Cullen smiles at her, leading her through the common room and into the kitchen. “Always a pleasure,” he replies and receives a laugh in turn. He places the bundle on the counter and a large amount of vegetables and spices spill out of the sides. “Is Mia planning on feeding an army?” he asks, perplexed by the amount of food before him. 

“It's always better to be prepared,” Mia says as she enters the room, the sound of the children in the common room following her entrance. “And Bran eats enough for five people alone.”

“Do not,” Bran says as he follows her, the grin on his face saying otherwise. 

Cullen laughs lightly and leans against the wall near the door way, staying out of the way of his sisters. He watches them and chimes in the conversation occasionally as they cook, preparing the first meal to be eaten in his new home. It was Mia’s idea to have a family dinner on his first night, reminding him that they are not far and will continue to be a part of his daily life. 

Mia and Rosalie's appearances mark them as sisters without a doubt. Mia stands as tall as Cullen with the same blonde hair that she always keeps it pulled back in a tight bun. Bright hazel eyes pierce the gazes of others, almost a weapon of their own in the way they always seem to see through you. Rosalie is very similar with a shorter stature and calmer eyes. They all share the same, sharp facial structure and tight poise. Standing in a room with all of them still shocks Cullen, but he relaxes and reminds himself constantly to enjoy the time and try to forget any worries. 

When the food is done Rosalie ushers all of the children into the dining room, the table prepared for their meal. Mia seats herself at the head of the table without any objections and Cullen takes place at her right. Bran sits beside Cullen and Rosalie sits across from them after filling the children's plates up with food. 

Once they are all set Mia extends her hands and they all join together for prayer. It was Rosalie’s turn, as they rotate, and after she is done the children immediately begin to devour the food before them. 

“This looks delicious, thank you both,” Cullen says to Mia and Rosalie before grabbing his fork and digging in. 

“Thank you Cullen,” Mia smiles. 

They eat in silence. Cullen allows himself to enjoy their company while they remain, knowing that after they leave he will be alone with only Toby for company. 

When they finish Cullen and Bran gather the plates, taking them into back into the kitchen and begin to clean. Rosalie leads the children back into the common room and Bran heads off to get water for them to wash with, leaving Cullen and Mia alone. 

Cullen can sense she wants to say something and can tell she is holding back. He doesn't pressure her, giving her the time to find the words before she speaks. Eventually she does. “I'm worried.”

Cullen turns to her, genuinely confused. “About what?”

“You,” she tells him honestly. At his surprised look she continues. “I understand your reasoning for wanting to open this clinic. I just don't understand why so soon; you have only been back for three days.”

Cullen frowns slightly, hesitating before answering. “I… didn't want to intrude.”

“Intrude?” Mia asks. “Why would you be intruding? You've been gone for so long and when you came back we couldn't be happier. What made you think that?”

“Nothing necessarily. I was taking up space in your home and was finding it hard to find the right way to repay you for allowing me to stay. I didn't want to be a burden upon you or your household.”

“If you felt that way you could have gone and stayed with Bran. He would have loved to have your company,” Mia retorts, frustration starting to appear upon her face. 

“Mia…” Cullen says, trying to find the proper words. “I've always had a… purpose of sorts. I have that here.”

“And you didn't have one with us?” Mia asks, expression darkening. 

“No, that's not what I meant,” Cullen sighs, shaking his head. He goes to continue but Mia shakes her head, raising her hand. 

She takes a deep breath before speaking. “I know the time you were gone was not easy for you. We cannot begin to understand what happened, not without you telling us. But you can't always keep us out Cullen. You need to remember that we are a family and will always be here for each other. You need to let us in at some point. I didn't argue with you wanting to come here because I knew it is what you felt you needed. But I will insist that you continue to visit us and allow us to visit you on a daily basis. I won't let you shut us out again.”

Cullen stares at her, seeing the truth behind her words. He stumbles for a moment before he is able to form a response, caught off guard by the intensity of her sincerity. “I won't Mia, I promise.”

Mia smiles and steps forward, hugging him tightly. He returns the embrace, mind racing, hoping that he will be able to keep his promise. 

Bran returns as if on cue and he and Cullen start on the dishes. When they finally make their way back into the common room Mia and Rosalie had started preparing the children for the walk back home. Cullen walks them to the front door and returns their embraces, watching as they leave. 

Once they leave his sight he takes a deep breath and stares up into the darkening sky, seeing a hint of stars beginning to appear. Toby bumps into his leg from behind and he smiles down at the mabari. “Alright, I get the hint,” he laughs. 

Cullen turns and retreats back into the house, off in search of food for Toby. He watches as Toby eats the food fast enough to inhale it and then they make their way out the back door. Cullen sits himself on the small set of steps and watches as Toby makes his way around the yard, taking in all of the scents. 

The sky is black above him and Cullen looks up at it once more, allowing his mind to wander. It travels across the Hinterlands and past Redcliffe, finding its way into the Frostback Mountains. 

He wonders if she left yet or if she has found it within herself to move on. He hopes that she was able to leave, to make her way back into the company of one of her companions. He hopes that she is not alone, that she is happy. An image of her smile flashes into his minds eye and he smiles lightly, wishing she was there with him in this new, strange territory. 

A breeze brushes past him and Cullen sighs, trying to shake the thoughts from his head. Guilt seeps into his bones once more as he is reminded of his failure, and he tells himself she is better off away from him. 

He stands and calls Toby inside, trudging up the stairs and into his new room. Cullen changes clothes and climbs into the empty bed, trying to avoid the large space beside him. He lays staring up into the ceiling, wishing a dreamless sleep to take him over.


	3. Chapter 3

Two days pass before Ellana finally leaves. She rises before the sun, slowly preparing for her departure. She washes and dresses, packing up as she goes. She leaves some items behind. Books she had accumulated in her travels remain on the shelf, too heavy for her to carry. Trinkets too elaborate and expensive to keep on her person remain in their place, left for others to find and claim as their own. 

She only brings three bags with her. One of gear and clothing, one of the more sentimental trinkets and other odds and ends and one of provisions with a bed roll strapped on the outside. She places the latter on her back and straps another over her left arm, looping a cord connected to it around her waist to keep it from slipping. She grabs the crossbow that Harrit made for her. It was made with Varric’s help, that straps onto the end of her left arm with a trigger she pushes with her right arm. When they presented it to Ellana she had to hold back tears, happiness and sorrow flooding her all at once. Happiness for not having to lose her love of archery and ability to shoot arrows from afar, sorrow at another reminder of the impact of her dismemberment. 

Ellana juggles the crossbow and the last bag in her right hand, taking one last glance at her room before she descends the stairs. When she passes through the door leading into the grand hall she pauses, staring at the empty dais. Flashes of all of the decisions she has had to make, lives she has had control over, cross her mind. She looks away and into the empty hall around her, the silence deafening. She is reminded of the first time she stepped into the hall, flanked by her advisers with rubble surrounding them. That hall seems much different than the one she stands in now. 

Ellana pushes herself forward, fighting the urge to travel through the surrounding rooms once more. She has spent a lot of the past week in the halls and vacant rooms, a ghost in the emptiness. She spent more time than she would like to admit in Cullen’s tower, his absence more recent than others. She had sat behind the empty desk, staring around at the blank walls and vacant bookshelves, indecision heavy upon her chest. 

Ellana makes her way down to the courtyard, allowing the early morning breeze to blow through her hair. She takes a deep breath as she descends and she veers herself towards the stables. One lone Dalish All-Bred sits in the stables and he stirs as she nears. Ellana had argued with Horsemaster Dennet before he left, eventually persuading him to take her Brecilian Sure-Foot Hart with him and leaving her with the All-Bred. He had eventually relented, Ellana persuading him that it was best she traveled with a more conspicuous mount. 

She approaches the horse and sets her bags down, grabbing the saddle from nearby and strapping it on. The horse waits patiently as she struggles lightly, progress being slow with only using one hand. Once the saddle is on she straps on her bags, placing the crossbow within easy reach, despite the dagger tucked into her belt. 

Ellana leads him from the stable and towards the front gate, her feet feeling heavier with each step. Once she stands on the bridge she stops and turns, staring once more at the large walls surrounding Skyhold. She grabs the crystal around her neck subconsciously as tears threaten to spill. She fights the urge to cry and succeeds for a moment until she is overwhelmed. 

“What's wrong?” a calm voice asks. 

Ellana jumps slightly, not realizing she had activated the crystal and that Dorian heard her crying. “I’m fine,” she tells him, trying to regain her composure. 

“You're leaving, aren't you?” Dorian asks. Ellana closes her eyes, imagining her friend beside her instead of across Thedas. 

“Yes,” she says quietly. 

She hears him sigh, “We knew this day was coming. I'm honesty surprised it took this long. What's keeping you there?”

“Honestly… I don't know,” she tells him. “So much has happened here, there are so many memories. Despite all of the bad there was so much good and I was happy. I had a life and a family… I guess I'm just afraid I won't find something like that again.”

Dorian laughs, “Of course you won't.” Ellana frowns but he continues before she can respond. “But that's a part of life and moving on. Nothing will stay the same but that doesn't mean that you won't find a purpose or happiness again. You just have to go looking for it.”

Ellana contemplates his words for a moment before nodding slightly. “I guess you're right.”

“I'm always right,” comes the glib response, as she expects. 

Ellana smiles. She spares one more glance at the castle walls before turning her back and taking a deep breath. “Thank you, Dorian.”

“Always a pleasure,” he replies and she can sense the smile in his voice. “Do you know whereabouts you a headed?”

“I think I'll stop at Val Royeaux.”

“Not South Reach?” Dorian asks and she nearly jumps. 

“What? Why would I go there?” Ellana asks, uneasiness creeping into her tone. 

“No reason,” he laughs. 

Ellana sighs, knowing he can see right through her. She decides to change the subject, “What are you doing this early?”

“About to go on some reconnaissance,” he says with joy. “I've always loved playing the sneaky game.”

“I didn't know there was anything sneaky about you,” Ellana jibes. 

“You wound me. I can be very sneaky when I want to be,” Dorian shoots back. He sighs afterwards, “I do hate cutting this riveting banter short, but I do have to go. I will check on you again later, okay?”

“Okay,” Ellana replies solemnly. “Be careful.”

“Always,” Dorian says and she feels a burst of warmth flow through the crystal before it loses its energy. Ellana releases her hold and turns to the horse who is waiting patiently. She pulls herself into the saddle and ushers him forward, Skyhold at her back. 

She travels for hours, her trajectory North-West. Ellana falls into the rhythm of hard travel on the road. She sticks to familiar paths, passing only a few other travelers on her way. They barely glance at her as she wears a dark, hard-worn cloak that keeps her left arm hidden. For all intents and purposes, she appears as an elf heading for Val Royeaux. 

It takes her two days. Ellana rarely stops but she doesn't rush herself, having to remind herself she doesn't have any agenda or looming threat keeping her constantly moving and needing progress. She takes the time to enjoy the view of the mountain as she passes through and the forests that lead her towards the grand city. 

At midday on the second day the city comes into view. Ellana stops at the crest of a small hill, raking her eyes over the familiar spires and mansions. The closer she gets to the city the more she finds herself surrounded by elaborate buildings and shops full of riches. She follows the road that will lead her towards her destination, the Grand Cathedral. 

When the Cathedral comes into sight Ellana dismounts, grabbing the lead on the horse and bringing him to the stables beside the Cathedral. She finds a vacant spot and tucks him away, grabbing the bag of valuables and swinging it over her shoulder, figuring the rest would be safe until she can return for them later. 

Ellana leaves the stables and climbs the steps leading into the Grand Cathedral, passing the soldiers without being stopped for questioning. She comes into a large entrance, statues and mosaics surrounding her. The hum of a chant reaches her ears and she follows the sound, finding herself interrupting a ceremony. She quickly slides into a pew and takes in her surroundings, the chant louder from inside the hall. 

She sits in a hall twice the size of the one in Skyhold. Four columns of pews span the room, stopping two thirds of the way into the room to make room for a large statue of Andraste. Fewer pews sit on her side and a podium sits in front of the statue. Behind the statue is a group of sisters, all leading those in attendance in the chant. A mother stands at the podium, the loudest voice in the hall. On the sides of the room are more statues and mosaics, all depicting different images present in the chant. 

Ellana felt slightly uncomfortable. She was familiar with the idea of Andraste before she went to the conclave but she only knew the bare minimum. Since becoming Her Herald and then Inquisitor, her knowledge had expanded, but not by much. Ellana curses slightly when she looks around and sees a lack of a certain individual. She would admit she didn't necessarily know where to find her. Every time she had visited someone was waiting for her and led her to where she needed to go. Now, arriving unexpectedly, she had no idea where to start. 

After close to an hour the Mother calls an end and those in the pews start to leave. After the hall clears Ellana makes her way towards the statue where a group of sisters are gathered. One of them notices her approach and separates themselves from the group, smiling softly as she nears. 

“Hello, can I help you?” Ellana is asked. 

Ellana hesitates, wondering if she should have just gone searching on her own. But considering the size of the place it would have taken too long and she would have appeared suspicious. Eventually Ellana says, “I was wanting to see Divine Victoria.”

“Unfortunately she is not receiving visitors at this time. Is there something I could do for you?”

“Um… not really. Could someone let her know that I am here?” Ellana asks, feeling somewhat relieved that she was not recognized. She got so used to people always knowing who she was when she went places that it felt good to be able to blend in once more. Partially thanks to her dress and also because people are starting to forget about the Inquisition. 

The sister stares at her curiously, studying her face. She stares at Ellana’s vallaslin, eyes traveling downward and towards her left arm. Her eyes narrow slightly and she stutters, “I-Inquisitor?” Ellana smiles sheepishly in response and the woman bursts into action. “Forgive me, I did not recognize you. Please follow me, Her Holiness would be glad to hear of your arrival.”

Ellana follows the sister in silence, keeping her head ducked to avoid the attention drawn by the outburst. She is led through various hallways towards the back of the Cathedral. After climbing stairs up five floors they approach a large door with a painting of Andraste looming over them. The sister knocks lightly on the door and a voice calls from the other side to enter. She opens the door slowly and stutters, “Pardon me, Your Holiness, but you have a visitor.”

“Who is it?” comes the reply. 

“The Inquisitor.”

“The Inquisitor?” Cassandra asks and the door is flown open. Ellana is greeted with the sight of Cassandra dressed in her formal robes with the exception of the hat. Cassandra stares at her with a surprised expression that quickly changes into a smile. “Greetings, old friend,” she says. She turns to the sister, “Thank you, Sister Patrice. You can return to your duties.”

“Thank you, Your Holiness,” she bows before leaving them alone in the hall. 

“Please, come in,” Cassandra says and ushers Ellana into the room. She shuts the door behind them and embraces Ellana, “What are you doing here?”

Ellana hugs Cassandra tightly in return, taking a deep breath before responding. “I wanted to visit you. It has been a while since I've seen you. I apologize for dropping in unannounced, however.”

“You do not have to apologize,” Cassandra reprimands as she ushers them to a couch nearby. Cassandra’s quarters are large and elaborate, decorated with a large Orlesian style bed, armoire, desk, multiple couches and chairs and a fireplace taller than Ellana and wider than four men across. “I take it Skyhold is officially vacated, then?”

“How could you tell?” Ellana asks sheepishly. 

“I heard Josephine and Leliana left around a month ago and Cullen arrived in South Reach this past week. I figured it would be soon enough that you would leave.” Cassandra studies Ellana for a moment before asking, “Why is it you waited so long to leave? Many would have assumed you would have been the first, with the others to follow your example.”

Ellana picks at a thread in her pants, not wanting to meet Cassandra’s piercing gaze. “It was harder than I thought it would be,” she admits quietly. Her confession is met with silence and she slowly looks up, into the gaze she was avoiding. At the sympathy she sees she scoffs lightly, “Don't look at me like that?” 

“What?” Cassandra asks, offended. “What is wrong with me being concerned for you?”

“Nothing. I just…. I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have come and bothered you,” Ellana confesses, guilt starting to rise. 

“No, do not leave,” Cassandra orders, grabbing Ellana’s arm to keep her from moving. “You are always welcome, and you are not a burden.” Cassandra sighs, looking down at the robes draped over her body. “Even after over two years it is still unusual to be in my new position. I know you try to look past it but I also know how it is hard to look past a title. But I want you to remember I am your friend, Ellana. I want to be here for you when you need me.”

“Thank you, Cassandra,” Ellana smiles. She receives a smile in return and then asks her friend, “How have you been?”

Cassandra emits a sound of disgust. “Endlessly busy. You would think that matters would have settled by now, but there are still issues from the Exalted Council that I have to attend to. I forgot before how never ending political matters can be.”

“I'm sorry,” Ellana frowns, feeling at fault. 

“It is nothing to do with you, merely minor topics that need addressed. Bringing in representatives from three different kingdoms was more troublesome than I had realized. Tevinter is worst of all,” Cassandra says. Ellana smiles at the admission and listens to her friend as she continues to vent about the current events of her life. 

After a while a sister brings in food for both of them and they move to a small table in front of a window overlooking the city. When she places down the food the sister looks to Ellana, “We had someone move your belongings into the guest suite, Inquisitor.”

“Oh! Thank you,” Ellana blushes, having forgotten about her bags left with her horse. The sister bows at them both before leaving. 

“How long do you think you will stay?” Cassandra asks, picking at the food in front of her. 

Ellana sighs, “I'm not sure. Not for long, though. I know you say I am welcome but I don't want to become a burden.”

“That would not be possible, but I understand your thoughts,” Cassandra admits. She studies Ellana for a moment before pushing further, “Where will you go from here?”

Ellana thinks, considering that. She really hadn't thought much further than coming to Val Royeaux. She went over her options before saying, “Kirkwall, maybe. I have yet to see the estate that Varric picked out for me, and I still have the key to the harbor.”

Cassandra laughs lightly before asking in a quiet voice, “Not South Reach?”

Ellana groans, “Oh, not you too?” Cassandra raises an eyebrow in response, not denying the insinuation. She sighs, “No, I am not going to South Reach, nor do I plan to any time in the near future.”

“And why not? I was under the impression you and our beloved Commander were becoming… better acquaintances,” Cassandra smirks. 

“No, we were not. Nothing happened between us and as far as I know, nothing would have happened,” Ellana rebuts. 

“Why do you say that?” Cassandra inquires. 

Ellana shoves a bite of food in her mouth, buying herself more time before she has to provide an answer. After she finishes chewing she says, “After the Exalted Council he… I don't know I feel as if he was starting to avoid me. As if he wanted nothing to do with me after… after what happened.”

Cassandra frowns, eyes darting down to Ellana's left arm. She takes a breath and then says, “I do not think it was for the reasons that you are assuming.” Ellana looks doubtful and she continues, “Cullen is not a man who would let something such as your injury impact the feelings that he would have towards you as a person. I would encourage you to look at what occurred from his perspective; not just as your Commander but as someone who would feel it was his duty to protect you.”

Ellana pauses at that thought and lets the words sink in. After a second she shakes her head, “Either way, I don't think I am someone he would want to see. Besides, he just reunited with his family and will be working on creating his clinic. I wouldn't want to bother him.”

Cassandra smiles, “I understand. Just think about what I said.” 

Ellana doesn't respond and they eat the rest of their food in without further conversation, staring out the window and at the large city around them. The sound of hooves on stone and light chatter floats up to the window from the streets below, filling the silence. When they finish Ellana stands and stretches, her stomach full and content. 

“Thank you, Cassandra. For both the company and for what the Cathedral has provided for me.”

“Of course, Ellana. If you would like I can have someone draw up a bath for you?” she asks. 

Ellana pauses and slowly turns her head down towards her clothes, inhaling and smelling the air around her. “Yes, that would be nice,” she replies and Cassandra laughs. Ellana smiles and follows her out the door, Cassandra leading her towards the guest suite down the hall. 

They stop outside a door and they hug once more. “I do not know when I will have time tomorrow, but I will have someone sent to check up on you regularly if you need anything. I should have free time to join you for supper, if you prefer.”

“That would be great, thank you,” Ellana admits. 

“Anything for you, my friend,” Cassandra replies and then turns and makes her way back down the hall towards her own room. 

Ellana watches her go for a moment before turning and opening the door to her room. She is met with a similar situation to Cassandra’s room but much smaller and with a less expensive bed. She eyes the bed with desire, fatigue catching up with her after many long days riding. She tells herself to wait, however, until she can bathe and dress before allowing herself to be enveloped in the large cushions and be dragged into a much-needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! And I hope I wrote Cassandra in character. I've always liked the relationship between Cass and the Inquisitor, so I wanted to make sure I got some of that in there. That and I wanted to feed some more insight as to what may have happened with Cullen after the Exalted Council.


	4. Chapter 4

_She stands in darkness. It surrounds her on all sides with no sky nor any clear foundation beneath her feet. Her breathe quickens as she looks around, trying to find an anchor in the darkness. She turns in circles, eyes constantly searching, fear building in her chest._

_An eluvian appears mere feet in front of her. The mirror shines in the darkness, blinding in its light. After her eyes adjust she studies the eluvian but finds nothing distinctive in the frame, just smooth wood. Her hand shakes as she raises it, reaching for the surface. Before she can make contact a hand reaches through and grabs her wrist, pulling her inside._

_The familiar magic rolls across her skin as she is transported. She closes her eyes, waiting for the transition to be complete. Once she is all the way through she opens them and looks around, seeking the perpetrator, but she is alone._

_She stands in the middle of a meadow, a forest surrounding her. The sky above is dark, the stars faintly glowing, illuminating the area around her. She turns around and finds no eluvian at her back, just more trees._

_The area is unfamiliar. The landscape is different from any that she has visited and she is perplexed, knowing she has been to many places. She waits, however, wondering what the purpose her presence in the meadow serves._

_Time passes and impatience pushes her to start for the edge of the meadow, seeking an exit. After she walks a few paces a noise catches her attention; a rustle from brush nearby. She stops and faces the direction the noise came from, alert of her surroundings._

_The shadows move slowly, gathering in one spot to create a large mass. The sound of breathing reaches across the meadow and to her, punctuated by a low growl. It steps further into the meadow and into the light. Six red eyes glow lightly as they turn to her direction, boring into her soul. The large wolf steps further into the meadow until he stands in the middle, eyes never leaving her form._

_She runs. With no weapon, she knows she stands no chance against the wolf. She knows that she was brought here for a purpose and she chose to flee it rather than face it._

_She runs as long as her legs will let her and her lungs provide air. Trees fly past and she jumps over roots and other obstacles. She maintains a decent pace but she refuses to look back, knowing that any second he could be caught up to her._

_She bursts through the tree line and into a large field, wheat grass brushing against her legs. She slows to a stop, listening for her pursuer. Only crickets meet her ears and she turns, facing the forest in confusion._

_A deafening howl comes from the trees, one of sorrow and pain. She falls to her knees, hands coming up to protect her ears. It continues for longer than she would have expected and she closes her eyes, willing it to stop. Eventually it does and she removes her hands slowly, opening her eyes and looking around once more for the wolf. When it doesn't appear she takes a deep breath and stands._

_A loud crack resounds from behind and her blood turns cold. She slowly turns around and looks up, eyes landing on the rift above her. It continues to crack and grow and her hand itches in response._

_She strengthens her stance and determination replaces the fear. She raises her left hand, pointing it at the rift. She tries to pull the power forward, to grab onto the power leaking from the fade and force it closed._

_Nothing happens and she frowns, bringing her hand down and looking at it curiously. Her expression turns to horror and she screams as before her eyes her hand turns black and hardens into stone. From stone it turns to ash, the wind carrying it away piece by piece until it passes her elbow, and then stops._

 

A scream tears through Ellana as she shoots up in bed, arms flailing in a defensive maneuver. She opens her eyes, searching for an assailant. Ellana looks around, confused about her location as she takes in her surroundings. She sees the bright, elaborate furniture around her and she takes a deep breath, recognizing the guest suite. 

Ellana shoves the comforter from her body and she moves to sit at the edge of the bed, her right hand clutching onto the sheets beneath her. She forces her breath to even and she closes her eyes in an effort to calm her thoughts. 

A shiver courses through her as she remembers her nightmare. A part of her wants to analyze it, try to understand its meaning, but she knows it is fruitless. Her more recent and more frequent nightmares have been confusing and hard to understand. She gave up on trying to interpret them months ago. 

Once she gains control of herself Ellana stands unsteadily. She instinctively reaches out with her left arm to steady herself and she stumbles momentarily, leaning forward with her right side to compensate for the error. She groans in frustration, the grogginess from her sleep having allowed for the lapse in concentration. Moments like now, still dusting off the shadows of her sleep, she forgets about her injury. 

Ellana straightens and takes one more deep breathe, forcing herself awake. She glances at the window the gauge the time and sees the sky still dark. She walks over to the couch adjacent to the large window and sits down, curling her legs up underneath herself. She keeps her eyes trained on the stars above, keeping her thoughts blank as she sits silently.

She has been in Val Royeaux for three days so far. She itches to leave already, feeling out of place in the large, elaborate building of worship, and she feels as if she is a burden. 

She has seen Cassandra each day but every time she can tell her friend is distracted and stressed. She knows instinctively that Cassandra is using her limited free time to spend with her and guilt weighs heavily upon Ellana every time. Yet Cassandra insists that Ellana is no burden and constantly reminds her she is always welcome at the Cathedral. 

The sun slowly begins to brighten the sky and Ellana makes her decision. She stands and stretches, working out any aches that accumulated in her stiff position on the couch. She quickly washes and dresses, the sound of the city coming alive wafting through the open window. Ellana grabs her bags from the corner, still packed. She had instinctively left everything inside them still, leaving them packed out of habit from never staying in one place too long. 

Ellana stands in the center of the room and looks around, checking to see if she had forgotten anything. She walks over to the door and opens it, preparing herself to find Cassandra and say goodbye. She jumps when she opens the door, letting out a shout in surprise when seeing Cassandra standing on the other side. 

“I had some food prepared for you to take with you,” Cassandra tells her, a bundle of provisions in her hands. 

“What? How did you…” Ellana stutters, at a loss for words. 

Cassandra motions for Ellana to turn, giving her access to the pack on her back. Ellana submissively turns and tries to hold still as Cassandra adds the food to her bag. “It saddens me that you think I don't know you as well as I do. I could tell last night at supper that you were getting anxious to leave soon. I knew you would try to leave early in the morning to ensure you had enough daylight to get a head start,” Cassandra informs her. 

Ellana feel a light blush form on her cheeks. Cassandra finishes and Ellana turns back to face her friend, head bowed lightly in shame. “I know I said I would stay closer to a week, but…”

“You do not need to apologize. I understand that this place is not something you are used to and you may not fee entirely comfortable here. I do not blame you.”

“Thank you, Cass,” Ellana smiles. Cassandra beams back at her and Ellana steps forward, pulling her into an embrace. 

“Travel safe, my friend. And do not forget to write to me,” Cassandra orders. 

“I will, I promise.” 

Cassandra steps back and nods curtly, “Good.”

Ellana flashes her one last smile and goes to pass her but pauses, saying, “Um I was wondering… I won't be needing my horse where I’m going and I-“

“I will take care of it,” Cassandra nods. 

Ellana nods and bows her head respectively, turning and making her way down the hallway. She had wandered the halls enough the past few days she understood them well. She follows the quickest but less busy path to the closest doors. She makes her way out onto the streets and heads towards the docks, glancing one last time at the Grand Cathedral before it leaves her sight. 

Ellana smells the docks before she sees it. The smell of water and fish and sweat sinking into her nose. When she nears, Ellana scans the ships docked into the pier. A few sit vacant, the others mixing between unloading and loading. She stares mostly at the loading ones, trying to get a feel for each ship based upon what she can see. 

She finds a small one at the end of the docks. A handful of crew members carry crates, barrels, rope, trunks and a number of other items from the dock onto the ship. Laughter and chatter meet her ears as she nears and she looks for a person to approach. She walks up to a short, young man who she had seen make numerous trips onto the ship and back. He eyes her as Ellana approaches and she holds herself in a nervous manner, trying to seem small and anxious. “Excuse me,” she starts, glancing at his eyes and then quickly away. “I was wondering if I could speak to your Captain?”

“What for?” he asks, setting down the load in his hands, a thick Ferelden accent in his voice. 

“I wanted to make an inquiry,” she responds vaguely. 

He grunts in response and turns towards the ship, pursing his lips and letting loose a sharp whistle. An older deckhand turns at the noise, brows furrowed. “Where's Grey?” the younger asks loudly. 

"Below deck!” the older yells back. 

“Follow me,” the first one mumbles, leading Ellana along the plank that takes them into the ship. They walk through the top deck, the other crew members staring as they pass. Ellana keeps her head down and brings her left arm closer to her body, knowing it would raise questions. They pass through a small door and he heads down short steps into a small hallway. He takes her all the way to the end and he stops at the last door, raising a hand and knocking. 

“What is it?” a voice on the other side asks. 

“Someone's here to see you,” the young man replies. 

A grunt resounds that Ellana assumes meant affirmation and he pushes the door open. She looks inside cautiously, greeted by a small room with just a desk, two chairs and a cot. The desk is covered with papers and paperweights, a spot for a quill and an inkwell engraved into the wood to prevent sliding. The cot is made neatly in contrast, the blanket tucked in and pillow a perfect square at the head. 

A man a few years her elder sits at the desk. When he turns to face them Ellana takes in his bright blue eyes, contradictory to his black hair tied into a bun atop his head and lengthy beard. His body is fit from obvious years spent aboard a ship, from lifting cargo and general labor. He stares at her as she enters, obviously analyzing her in the same manner. She tries to make herself appear smaller and more helpless, looking away when he meets her gaze. 

“Who's this?” he asks, his accent Ferelden as well. 

“Dunno. She just said she wanted to see you. Wanted to make an inquiry?” the shipmate replies. 

“An inquiry?” the Captain asks. He finally looks away from her and at his crew member. “You didn't ask about what?” He receives a shake of the head in response and sighs, “Off with you. Get back to loading.”

“Aye sir,” the mate responds and turns on his heel, obediently returning to his previous task. 

The Captain looks back at Ellana and leans against the desk behind him. He studies her for a moment more before making a gesture as if he were presenting himself. “You wanted to make an inquiry to me?”

“Y-Yes,” Ellana stammers, the stutter half genuine and half forced. “I noticed you were loading to depart and was wondering where you were headed? If you going to pass Kirkwall, by chance?”

“Kirkwall, eh?” the Captain asks, bringing a hand to his chin and stroking his beard thoughtfully. Ellana can't decide if it is a forced gesture or one of habit. “I might. Why, are you wanting to gain passage?"

“Yes, please,” Ellana nods. “If it wouldn't be too much trouble.”

“And what would I get in return?” he asks. 

Ellana holds backs a smile, having been waiting for the question. She doesn't respond, dropping one of her bags from her hand and reaching inside. She grabs the bag of coin she had prepared and pulls it out. When he sees the bag he raises an eyebrow, intrigued. “I can pay you,” she finally says. “It should be enough for any trouble it would cause. And I would stay out of the way, you wouldn't even notice I was here.”

His eyes shot up to her as she spoke and he doesn’t answer immediately. He straightens slightly and studies her more, looking for something in her face. He glances at the strange crossbow dangling from one of her bags and then asks, “Why do you want to go to Kirkwall?”

“I'm from the Free Marches,” she says, though she knows he could tell from her accent. “My people were headed north of Kirkwall last I heard from them and I was looking to join them.”

“What were you doing here in Val Royeaux?” he asks. 

Ellana tells the truth (or most of it), “I was visiting an old friend.”

He stares and then nods, accepting her answer. “We’re leaving dock around two. If you have any affairs you need to attend to before then I would do it as quick as possible, we might leave earlier if the schedule permits. Do you have any other luggage?” She shakes her head and he continues, “We have a spare room that we typically keep extra storage in, but there's a cot there for the event we have any unexpected travelers join us. We were originally headed to Denerim, scheduled to arrive in five days. That would put us at Kirkwall in two, as long as everything goes as it should.” 

Ellana smiles at him after he finishes, “So you'll take me? Oh thank you, Captain. Thank you very much!” He nods and she steps forward, holding the bag out for him. He holds up a hand, stopping her from handing it over. 

“You can call me old fashioned, but I only accept payment after the job is complete. Hold onto that and give it to me after we get you to Kirkwall,” he orders. 

She nods, “Okay.” She hesitates for a moment, “I really don't have anything to do, but would it be better if I got off until we were ready to depart or…”

“Here, I'll show you to the room,” he says and slips past her and into the hallway. He leads her towards a door halfway down the hall, opening it and exposing a room just as he described. “Like I said before, a bit small and crowded but it'll give you some privacy.”

“Thank you,” Ellana says and steps past him and inside. She sets her bags down slowly, back turned to him and trying to appear as if she is just hesitant. 

After a second he clears his throat lightly before saying, “Well you know where my quarters are. If you need anything just let me know, or you can ask any of the men. I'll inform them that you are a guest.”

Ellana nods and he shuts the door, giving her privacy. She sighs and sits on the cot, glancing around the dimly lit room. A small window catches her eye and she approaches, looking out. The vast expanse of the Waking Sea meets her eyes and she stares out, memories of her trip to the Conclave threatening to arise. She shakes her head and turns away, lying on the cot and staring up at the ceiling. She listens to the sounds of the ship, the wood groaning as the waves push against it and the men above boarding all of the shipment, and she waits. 

They depart at two, just as the Captain said. Ellana watches from the window as they start the voyage, leaving Val Royeaux behind them. She remains in the room, committing herself to her promise not to get in the way as well as trying to avoid raising any suspicions and facing questions. 

Around dinner time a knock resounds at the door. She opens it and sees a crew member standing there with a tray of food in his hands. He wordlessly offers it to her and she takes it, thanking him. He leaves and she shuts the door, staring down at the plate of food with surprise. She doesn't complain, however, and eats it all. 

She spends the rest of the night and all of the next day in her room. By the time the sun has fallen and the moon sits high in the sky, she is restless. Ellana stands facing the door, listening. She hears only of pair of footsteps on the deck above her and she slowly opens the door, looking around hesitantly. Eventually she makes her way out and up onto the deck. 

One shipmate stands on the deck, walking slowly and keeping an eye on things. The ship continues to move but without haste, the wind providing a steady pace for the ship. When he sees Ellana he simply nods, looking away and continuing his path. Ellana makes her way up towards the front of the ship, taking in the fresh air and the calmness of the sea around her. 

She stays out for a few more hours before her eyes begin to droop. She relents and makes her way back down and into the room, sleep coming easier with the new sense of calm. 

When she rises the next day she feels rejuvenated once more with the knowledge they will be arriving in Kirkwall. She packs her bags and prepares herself as much as possible. When the knock finally comes at her door she jumps from the cot, opening the door as quick as possible. 

The Captain jumps at her haste, a small smile coming to his face. “We will be arriving at Kirkwall within the hour,” he tells her. He glances past and sees her bags packed and ready. “Feel free to wait on the upper deck if you would like.”

“Thank you,” she says with a slight blush. He nods and leaves. Ellana grabs her bags and makes her way up onto the deck. She finds an isolated spot and sits down, spotting the bit of land on the horizon that signifies their eminent approach. 

The closer they get the antsier she becomes. Ellana starts pacing, counting down the minutes until they dock. When they reach the city limits and start to begin the docking process, the Captain finds her once more. 

“Welcome to Kirkwall,” he says with a smile. 

Ellana grabs the coin bag and holds it out to him once more. “Thank you, Captain. I do appreciate you and your men giving me passage here, despite it interrupting your original plans.”

He slowly reaches up and takes it from her hand. “It was my pleasure…” he leans forward slightly and Ellana furrows her eyebrows, confused, “Inquisitor.”

Ellana's eyes widen and she stares at the Captain in shock. He laughs at her expression, leaning away and shaking his head. “My apologies. I couldn't resist. Don't worry though, your secret is safe with me.”

“Do… do the men know?” she asks hesitantly. 

“Of course. But believe me when I say that their lips are sealed. I hold them accountable, keep them honorable. They will not go against my word,” he assures her. 

Ellana bites her lip but nods. Then curiosity takes hold and she asks, “What gave it away the most?”

“Do you want the truth?” he asks. She nods so he continues. “It was the crossbow. I had my suspicions at first but when I saw the crossbow, it looked too intricate and fancy to have been bargained for or stolen. All of it added together helped me get to my conclusion. That, and you aren't very good at deflecting questions you don't want to answer.”

“Ah,” Ellana says, nodding her head. “That wasn't always my strong suite….” He smiles and they receive the signal that the ship is docked fully. 

“Well, Madame Inquisitor, I believe this is where you leave us,” he says with a flourish, directing her towards the edge of the ship. 

“Thank you, Dear Captain,” she replies with a smile, stepping onto the plank that leads her back onto solid ground. He waves and she makes her way down the dock on shaky legs, looking around to try to gain her bearings. Ellana looks up and her eyes land on the large keep atop hovering over the city. From what Varric had told her of the city, she knew that to be the Viscount’s Keep. 

Ellana sighs and begins to make her way through the city, relishing in the freedom and being able to walk on solid ground once more. She stares at the city as she passes through, taking in all of the details and recognizing some of it from Varric’s tales. 

When she approaches the keep she looks around for signs of where to go. Being in unfamiliar territory and not knowing exactly where Varric would be, she wanders the grounds a little to look for any sort of sign to help. 

“Inquisitor!” a voice calls from behind. 

Ellana turns around sharply, searching for the speaker. She sees the seneschal, Bran, that she had met at the Exalted Council. He approaches her with determination and a surprised and slightly angry expression on his face. “Hello, Bran,” she greets him. 

"Varric did not inform me that you would be arriving, otherwise I would have ensured that you would have been greeted and attended to properly,” he says, fists clenching at his sides. 

“Varric doesn't know in here,” she tells him in a soothing tone, attempting to extinguish his anger. 

“Oh,” he says with surprise. “Well then… are you um… looking for Varric? Or is there something I can help you with?”

“Oh, yes. If you could show me where he is?” she asks with a smile. 

“Right. This way,” he says, once more gaining his composure. He takes her towards the front of the keep and inside, leading her past many rooms and halls towards the back. He leads her down a few levels into a basement and the further they go the harder it is for her to see in the dim lighting. 

As she sees the stairs end laughter meets her ears. Ellana smiles when she recognizes the voices, her pace quickening. They enter a room similar in size to her quarters from Skyhold. A large table sits at the center, cards and flagons strewn across it. A few couches line the walls, interrupted by tables and a bar sits against the farthest wall, multiple bottles set on display and on the bar top. Varric, Sera and Dagna all sit at the bar, Dagna and Sera laughing at something Varric had said. 

When they hear her approach they stop and turn, each of their eyes widening in surprise. “Quizzy!” Sera yells, jumping from her chair and running towards Ellana. She hugs Ellana and laughs, yelling, “You’re here!”

Ellana laughs, hugging Sera back. “I am,” she says and Sera pulls away, dragging Ellana to the bar. 

Varric steps out and hugs Ellana as well, asking, “Why didn't you tell us you were coming?”

“I didn't want to make a big deal out of it,” Ellana admits. “And I didn't know Sera and Dagna were here. Hello Dagna,” she greets the dwarf. 

Dagna beams back, saying in the similar formal tone Ellana is used to, “Inquisitor.”

Sera reaches out and smacks Dagna lightly on the arm. “You don't need to be so formal, ya? She ain't exactly the Inquisitor anymore you know.”

Ellana frowns and Dagna says, “Old habits die hard. Sorry Inqui… Ellana.”

Ellana quickly turns her frown into a smile, “Don't be sorry, I understand.”

Varric reaches out and leads Ellana towards a chair, taking the bags on her back from her. “Come on, sit down and relax. Tell us what's happened, it's been a while since I've heard from you.”

Ellana relaxes in the presence of her old friends and they catch up, Ellana telling them about her journey to Val Royeaux and the ship ride to Kirkwall. “What do you think of the city?” Varric asks when she mentions her arrival. 

“It's beautiful,” Ellana tells him with honesty. “A lot like you described. And I can tell you've done some good for the city.”

“You don't need to kiss up to me, you know,” he says with a smile and Ellana laughs. 

After it's evident Ellana is done with her story Sera jumps into action, telling Ellana what happened since they had left Skyhold. Some of it was hard for Ellana to follow, and some she wasn't sure exactly were real words. But she laughs and rejoices in the company of her friends. 

Before she knows it Bran returns to remind Varric of the time and some matters Varric has to attend to. “Duty calls,” Varric smiles. He turns to Sera, “Would you be okay with showing ‘Lana her estate?”

“Duh,” comes the reply as well as a raspberry. 

Varric turns to Ellana, “I'll stop by later tonight, okay? I wish I could stay but I don’t think I'd hear the end of it if I missed this meeting.”

“It's fine, Varric,” Ellana consoles him. He shoots her a grin before following Bran up the stairs, leaving her with Sera and Dagna. 

After a moment of surprising silence Sera jumps up, “Right then. Lets head to this ‘estate’, shall we?” She doesn't wait for Ellana to respond and she reaches down, grabbing two of Ellana's bags. Ellana grabs the last one quickly, knowing Dagna was about the reach for it but not wanting to appear helpless. 

She follows Sera up the stairs and out into the streets of Kirkwall, basking in the familiarity as well as the new, wondering if she had found her new purpose; her new path.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shout out to Beckill for giving me an idea for a scene in this chapter. Thank you for letting me use this!  
> This chapter is for you.

Cullen leaves the house dressed in a basic tunic and coat made of cotton, leaving the armor and sword inside. He keeps a dagger tucked into his boot, however, not wanting to be caught unarmed. A part of him tells himself that he has no need to worry, that he is just going to the settlement to pick up supplies, but his experiences tell him to always be prepared. 

He decides to walk instead of take the horse. By horseback the trip to the settlement takes less than an hour and by foot it takes two. After years of being stuffed in an office and confined by the castle walls with brief reprieves, he still relishes in the open fields and lack of restraints. He orders Toby to remain, to watch the house while he is gone and to avoid having the mabari in such a crowded place. 

It has been four days since he first came to his clinic and he has not spent them idly. Most of his time was spent preparing the house; removing the covers from the furniture and cleaning off any remaining dust and grime from the construction. He sectioned off a small area in the back of the house and built training dummies, planning to allow that area to be used as a stress reliever and exercise routine. Finally feeling that the house was ready, he decided to spend a day to go to the settlement and get any provisions and supplies he would need. 

Cullen enjoys his walk as he follows the road. He allows his mind to calm and doesn't focus his thoughts on any particular subject, relishing in not have any urgent matters to attend or focus his attention upon. 

His mind begins to wander and the note that had arrived two days ago pops up once more. The messenger had arrived early in the morning and he recognized the signs of one of Leliana’s, despite the regular clothes and haggard appearance. Cullen had accepted the paper and the messenger ran off without a word. When he had opened it he had found only two words and no signature. 

_She left._

He had allowed the words to sink in before he crumpled the paper and put it away, turning his focus back onto his work. The note keeps coming into focus at random intervals and he always tries to push the thought away, attempting to ignore it while he distracts himself with menial tasks. Now out on the road with nothing but nature to distract him, ignoring it has become harder. 

When Cullen left Skyhold it was among the hardest things he has ever done. He had delayed his departure as much as possible, knowing that as the others left it would be harder on her. He tried to remain a constant, despite the fact that they barely spoke to one another. Guilt starts to creep in as he reminds himself that it was his fault the distance grew, but then he remembers why. 

When he had said goodbye it was formal and short. It had taken a lot of his restraint to not grab her, hold her and not let go. She had looked at him with a blank expression as they said goodbye and he had turned away before he would do something he would have regretted. He made sure to leave early the next day to prevent any chances of running into her before he left. 

He sees signs of her everywhere, no matter how much he tries to ignore it. When he looks at Toby he remembers her bringing expensive Orlesian dog treats she found lying around at the Exalted Council, despite everything else going wrong. Whenever he smells peony (which is surprisingly often). Every time he looks at his old cloak he remembers how she would subconsciously reach out and touch the feathers as they stood close to each other. Every time he sees a bow, a halla, a fennec (which was her favorite animal, however annoying they are)… the list is endless. 

Cullen shakes his head to push the thoughts away. He comes across a few travelers as he gets nearer the town and by the time he arrives it is midday. 

Cullen had been to the settlement only once before. It was on his way in a week ago, when he was trying to locate his sister Mia’s house. He didn't spend too much time in the settlement before, so now he meanders around in an effort to gain familiarity with the streets. 

People mill around here and there, all focused on their own tasks and plans for the day ahead. None pay him any attention, to which he doesn't complain. No longer having to wear Templar armor or the ones he was given as Commander it was easy to blend in. 

Cullen wanders from street to street, occasionally stopping into stores and making few purchases. He spots an apothecary down the road and makes a beeline for the shop, knowing already what items he would need. As he nears his pace slows, eyes drawn to a figure leaving the shop. 

A short figure draped in an old cloak steps out onto the streets and Cullen stares. He sees red hair tucked into a bun, tall pointed ears on both sides. He stops walking and his breath comes in shorter rasps. He doesn't look away nor does he approach her, his mind telling him it was impossible. She would never come to South Reach, not to see him. 

The elf turns and his heart slows, an unfamiliar face turned into his direction. Cullen attempts to regain his composure, chastising himself for reacting so strongly at the sight of person with similar features to her. He takes a deep breath and enter the shop, focusing his mind upon his needs from the store. 

“Welcome!” the shopkeeper greets warmly, positioned behind a counter. 

Cullen's eyes take a moment to adjust to the dim lighting. He looks around at the shelves filled with potions, tables strewn here and there with baskets of herbs. His nose is accosted with an array of smells, and he tries his best to ignore the peony. He regards the shopkeeper; an average sized, older man with salt and pepper hair and beard, dressed in basic green robes. 

“My name is Harvall. Is there something I can help you with?”

Cullen smiles kindly at the question. “I was just looking to purchase a few potions.”

“Then you are at the right place,” Harvall grins. “Do you know what kinds exactly?

"Yes. A few healing, some rejuvenation, sleep inducing and anything to help relaxing,” Cullen says. He was familiar with basic potions, and knew others had beneficial effects, but he never spent much time in an apothecary before. 

“Very well. Give me a few moments to get those together for you. Feel free to look around,” Harvall says. Cullen nods and the man gets to work, moving around the store with ease and extreme familiarity, gathering the items Cullen requested. 

Cullen wanders through the shop, absently staring at the various vials on the walls. Harvall hums lightly to himself as he works, the clinking of glass the only other sound. Cullen comes across a table of herbs and he studies them, the familiar buds of peony catching his eye. He reaches out and touches one stem lightly, picking it up and studying it. 

Harvall clears his throat, “I believe I have it all here.”

“Oh, thank you,” Cullen starts, pulling himself from his reverie. He approaches the counter and looks to the basket of potions, a variety of colors meeting his eye. Harvall goes over the differences with Cullen, ensuring he knows the variations before him. 

“Will you be purchasing that as well?” Harvall asks. 

“What?” Cullen asks. He follows Harvall’s gaze to the flower in his hand. “Oh, no, sorry.” 

Cullen hands the herb over and Harvall smiles lightly, taking it from Cullen and setting it on the counter. He tells Cullen the total and Cullen obliges, handing over the coins. “Thank you for your patronage…” Harvall says. He grabs the peony off of the counter and tucks it into the basket between the vials. “Keep it, free of charge.”

Cullen's eyebrows raise in surprise and he slowly reaches for the basket. “Thank you, Harvall. Your kindness is appreciated.”

The shopkeeper bows his head and watches Cullen as he leaves the shop. Once back onto the street he takes a deep breath of the fresh air before resuming his wanderings. 

He heads for the marketplace, wanting to pick up fresher provisions. He nears the crowded square, the ambiance getting louder as the citizens talk amongst themselves and merchants call out, trying to sell their goods. Cullen walks from stall to stall, buying few items. 

As he's talking to a butcher he hears his name called. Cullen turns and smiles when he sees his sister approaching. “Rosalie!” he greets with surprise. 

“Cullen! I didn't know you'd wanted to go to market today. If I had I would've wanted to travel with you,” she says, beaming up at her brother. 

He shrugs, “It was a somewhat unplanned trip.”

“How promiscuous of you,” she says with a laugh. She loops her arm through his and they begin to walk around the market, Rosalie chatting and occasionally stopping at a stall. 

“What are your plans for supper?” she asks him curiously. 

“I was just going to throw something together for myself. Why?” Cullen asks in return. 

“Can I make you something? I've no plans, Mia will be taking care of the little ones, and she would understand my reasons for abandoning her,” she tells him with honesty. 

“I would like that,” Cullen smiles. 

She smiles back at him and they conclude their business. They make their way back through the settlement and start on the road back towards Cullen's home. “You didn't ride here?” he asks Rosalie. 

She shakes her head, “No. I enjoy the peace and quiet it provides. I love my children and husband but it's nice to be alone sometimes.”

“How is Emmit?” Cullen asks. 

“He's doing well. When I left he was out working in the field with Bran and Charles.”

“That's good,” Cullen nods absently. 

The rest of the walk is spent in a mixture of conversation and silence. Cullen feels relaxed in the company of his sister, the silence never deafening or awkward. Neither of them seem to feel an obligation to obtain a persona around each other. 

They reach the house and once inside Rosalie takes the food to the kitchen. Toby greets then enthusiastically and chooses to follow Rosalie instead of Cullen. Cullen brings the basket of potions into his office, setting it on his desk. His eyes are caught by the peony and he takes it out of the basket. He studies the flower, turning it in his hand, and then sets it down on the desk. 

He leaves his office, making for the kitchen. Rosalie bustles around the kitchen with familiarity, putting away the items he had purchased with Toby at her feet. She smiles at Cullen when he walks in, “What would you like me to prepare for supper?”

Cullen shrugs, “Whatever you want. You will have no objections from me.”

"Very well. I will get started. You might as well go find something to do instead of hovering in here while I work,” she tells him. He hesitates, staying near the door. “Go!” she orders. He obliges, walking into the common room and settling himself on a couch. Cullen calls for Toby to follow, not wanting the mabari to trip Rosalie as she works. 

Cullen sits for a handful of moments before he gets restless. He stands and walks towards the French doors to the back of the house, set on going to the training area he had made. He grabbed a sword leaning on the inside beside the door as he passed, the weight comfortable in his hand. He looks at Toby before he leaves, seeing if Toby wants to follow. The mabari stares back in response and Cullen shakes his head with a smile, opening the doors and stepping through. He twirls the sword as he approaches a dummy, allowing his body to shift into his comfortable stance. 

His mind goes blank as he goes through the motions. He allows the ritual to calm him, a flurry of emotions having run through his mind during his adventure today. Despite it being weeks since he had seen her and they are hundreds of miles apart, he cannot seem to forget. 

Rosalie calls to him from the door and Cullen stops, looking up in surprise. He glances at the torn up dummy in slight shame before calling out, “I'll be right there!”

She smiles at him and retreats back into the house. Cullen takes a deep breath and follows her into the house, trying to push the adrenaline coursing through him down. Once inside he sets the sword back into its place and proceeds into the kitchen. “Smells delicious,” he tells her. 

"Thanks!” she grins. She plates the food she had made, steam rising and he smell making his stomach growl. 

Cullen takes the plate hungrily and they both retreat into the dining room. When they sit and he takes the first bite he groans happily. “This is very good Rosalie.”

She smiles, mouth full of food. They eat silently for a moment before Rosalie puts down her fork, a thoughtful look on her face. “Cullen…”

“What's wrong?” Cullen asks, concerned. 

“Nothing I just… Mia will be mad at me for being so forward, she'll say I'm being pushy. But I wanted to… well I wanted to know why you won't talk to us about the Inquisition, or anything else.” She looks down after she finishes, hands folded in her lap. 

Cullen stares at her in surprise and he lowers his fork slowly. He clears his throat and thinks before responding. “I guess it's hard because there's so much to talk about. A lot happened. It wasn't all bad, not after the Inquisition formed at least. With the Tower in Ferelden and then Kirkwall… those are harder memories. But the Inquisition was better; I found a purpose that I felt was good. I made friends and…” he falters. He shakes his head before continuing, “I will be able to talk about it more, in time. It's not just hard for me but I don't want you all to perceive me differently, once you know what happens. It's easier to pretend that it didn't happen when other people don't know.”

She gives him a pained expression and he smiles reassuringly at her. “Can I ask a few questions about the Inquisition, at least? Since you said that was better?”

Cullen's eyes widen at her question but he nods slowly. “I will try.”

Rosalie smiles and then takes a bite of her food, thinking about what she wants to asks. He eats slowly, thoughts racing at he tries to anticipate what she is going to ask. 

“What was she like?” Rosalie asks. 

Cullen nearly chokes on his food. Rosalie smiles and tries to cover her mouth, hiding her laugh. Cullen wipes his mouth, staring at his sister. “Who? El… the Inquisitor?”

She widens her eyes at his slip and smiles. “Yes. The Inquisitor.”

“Well uh…” he falters, unsure of what to say. Rosalie stares at him expectantly so he takes a breath to concentrate and responds in the only way he thinks he can. “She was smart and brave. She held true to her beliefs and always tried to do what she felt was right. She tried to help those who she could and bring justice to those who deserved it. She was an admirable leader.”

“But what was she like personally?” Rosalie pushes. 

Cullen sighs, giving her a skeptical look at the purpose of her question. But she continues to smile so he relents. “I don't know… she's intelligent. She was always curious, asking questions about everything. She cared for her friends and tried to have fun when she could, despite the weight upon her shoulders. She commanded any room she was in and was soft spoken, except for when she was passionate about something. Her smile could lift anyone's spirit and her eyes seemed like she could penetrate your soul…” he drifts off, seeing the look upon Rosalie’s face. He clears his throat, “That should have been a sufficient enough answer.”

“Is she beautiful?” Rosalie asks quietly. 

Cullen looks into her eyes and then away. He clenches his mouth shut, staring at the food on his plate before saying, “Very.”

He doesn't look at Rosalie after he answers and he continues to eat, hoping she will not respond. She sits in silence, staring at him and then follows suite. After another minute she begins asks random questions. Details about Skyhold, where he traveled and about some of the companions. She doesn't bring up the Inquisitor again. 

When they are finished and cleaned up Cullen walks Rosalie to the door. “Are you sure you don't want me to walk you back?” he pushes. 

“I'll be fine, honestly. And you know I'm not completely defenseless,” she smiles. 

“At least take my horse. You can return it the next time you stop by and you'll get home faster.”

Rosalie rolls her eyes. “Fine,” she relents. Cullen grins and leads her towards the stables and she watches as he saddles the horse. When ready she climbs on and he leads the horse towards the end of the road. 

"Goodnight, Rosalie,” he says, stroking the horses mane. “Be good to her,” he instructs the horse. 

The horse neighs and Rosalie laughs. “Goodnight, brother. I will see you soon,” she says. Cullen pats the horse and it takes off. Cullen watches as they disappear in the darkness and he gives a short prayer to the Maker for her to get home safely. Once back inside he goes into the office and grabs the peony, taking it up the stairs and into his room, calling for Toby as he goes. He sets the flower down on his nightstand and doesn't look at it as he begins to prepare himself for bed. 

-

A week later Cullen is sitting at his desk when he hears a horse approach the house. Cullen looks out the window, curious, and then smiles when he sees the visitor. Toby barks at the door and he hushed the mabari. He rises from the desk and heads out the front door. “Knight-Captain!” he greets as the horse approaches. 

"Commander!" Rylen calls, smiling as he pulls the horse to a halt. “It's good to see you.”

“And you. Please, call me Cullen.”

“Then I ask the same of you. Just call me Rylen,” he says. He dismounts and the men shake hands, both smiling at seeing their old comrade. Cullen takes a moment to asses the Knight-Captain, noting the dark circles under the younger mans eyes and pale skin. Toby barks and Rylen laughs, kneeling and petting his head lightly. 

“How long have you been riding?” he asks curiously, leading Rylen towards the stables. 

“A few weeks, I think? I came from the Western Approach. I did my best to make sure everything was in order before I left the Keep for the last time. It was… not easy, to be honest,” Rylen tells him.

Cullen nods, “I know what you mean. Come, I'll give you a tour of the place.”

Rylen grins and they grab his bags. Cullen leads him inside and shows him around, telling Rylen his visions for each room and their purpose. They end on the second floor in one of the larger rooms. “This one will be yours.”

Rylen walks in and looks around, nodding his approval. “I like it. This place is very nice. A big upgrade compared to the sand and heat that I had to deal with the past years,” he jokes. 

Cullen laughs. “I think I can understand that. I'll leave you to get settled. There's a washroom across the hall, so you can use it if you wish. I'll just be downstairs in the office.”

“Thank you, ser,” Rylen says. Cullen nods and leaves him, making back down the stairs and into his office, Toby following. 

He resumes his work and tries not to let his nerves begin to grow. Now that Rylen was there his mission is closer and becoming more real. He knows that he isn't forcing anyone to do what he had done before, that it was by choice, but he knows it won't be pleasant either. 

Rylen comes down the stairs and into the office. Cullen flashes him a smile when he comes into sight but continues to work, focused on finishing the sentence he is working on. Rylen plops into a chair, glancing around the room while he waits, petting Toby absently as the mabari had risen and approached him as he sat. 

Cullen finishes and sets down the quill. He looks at Rylen and see the man freshly washed and relaxed. “So, how have things been here?” Rylen asks him. 

“They've been well. My family doesn't live far so they visit often; you will probably see them around here and there. And I think I have this place set up, so things seem good so far. I guess now is when it really gets tested, right?” Cullen asks. Rylen nods, a solemn look on his face. So Cullen continues, “I want to ask once more if you are sure this is what you want to do.”

“I am,” Rylen tells him. Cullen can hear the determination in his voice and knows he is telling the truth. “I've already started to take less Lyrium, after I left the Keep. I'm hoping it'll help with the withdrawal.”

Cullen nods, “That's a sound assumption. I guess we'll find out soon enough.”

“I do have a request, though, before we get started,” Rylen says, hesitant. Cullen gives him a curious look but doesn't respond so he continues. “On my way through the settlement I heard of a group of bandits not far from here ambushing travelers on a road. I was wondering if we could go and take care of it. Partially because it seems no one has been able to get rid of them but also because I wanted to go out in the field one more time before… just in case…”

“I understand,” Cullen interjects. Rylen stares at him expectantly and he sighs before nodding. “Okay. Why not? How about tomorrow?”

Rylen grins, “That works with me, ser.”

-

The next day they leave right after sunrise. They take the horses and Rylen leads Cullen in the direction the rumors placed the bandits. They leave Toby at the house, deciding best to leave the mabari behind. Both are wearing unmarked, simple armor and keep their shields on their backs, swords tucked into their belts. They barely talk as they travel, both alert of their surroundings and ready to fight at a moments notice. 

They enter the area the rumors claimed had the most action. Cullen sees a spot covered with overgrowth and he leads the horses over. He dismounts and Rylen follows suite. They tie the leads of the horses to a tree branch, the horses concealed by the leaves and bushes. Cullen and Rylen crouch behind a nearby bush and wait, watching for any travelers that would attract the bandits attention. 

An hour passes uneventfully. Cullen and Rylen continue to wait in silence, years of training keeping them alert while waiting for long periods of time. Eventually they hear the crunch of boots on gravel and they look up to see who approaches. 

Cullen peeks over the bush and sees a small figure walking down the road. An old cloak covers their body and they carry three bags. One strapped on their back, one strapped to their side and the other clutched in their hand. Cullen sees a small crossbow hooked onto one of the bags and he cocks his head in confusion. 

He stares at the figure as it nears. He tried to see in the darkness of their hood and he gets a flash of red hair. He focuses he attention to the persons left side, trying to see their arm beneath the cloak. He gets a glimpse of the sleeve rolled up and tucked above where the elbow should be and he stands without realizing it. 

“Cullen,” Rylen hisses, reaching out to pull Cullen back down. 

Cullen pulls Rylen’s hand off of him and steps around the bush, walking out into the road. Once he reaches the view of the traveler they stop and he can feel their gaze piercing him. Cullen stares back, a flurry of emotions running through him. But he dare not speak, afraid he could be wrong. 

The traveler sets down their bag and reaches up, grabbing the hood on their head and pulling it down. The air is sucked out of Cullen's lungs as he stares at her face, her vallaslin, confirming it really is her. 

“Inquisitor?” he asks, stepping closer to her. 

She stares at him a moment and then opens her mouth to speak. Before she can an arrow flies past her and lands in a tree truck nearby. Her eyes widen and Cullen runs towards her, pulling the shield off of his back. “Get down!” he calls. 

Ellana drops to the ground, reaching for her crossbow. She expertly attaches it to her left arm and grabs an arrow, cocking it into place. She glances up at Cullen and her expression turns fearful. “Cullen!” she calls out, raising the crossbow and aiming it behind him as something hard connects with his head and everything turns black.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence and language ahead.

Ellana doesn't know why she's here. 

She was at her estate in Kirkwall, Sera and Dagna staying with her. They were good company, a way for her to not be alone. Varric was there every day, all of them spending time together. 

But there was so much **nagging**. They were all always asking her why she was there. Why didn't she go to South Reach. At some points Dorian even chimed in. It was endless. 

It didn't take long for her to reach the peak of her frustration. After just a few days she exploded, telling them fine, she would go and prove them wrong. She would go to South Reach, see him, and then when she was spurned she would return to Kirkwall post haste. Varric booked her a passage to Denerim and when she left she tried to ignore the smug expressions on their faces. Dorian thankfully didn't gloat the whole time she was on the boat, he just checked in on her progress every now and then. 

Ellana finds herself walking on the road that leads to the settlement of South Reach. She will admit she doesn't know what she plans on doing after she gets there, or how she'll find him. She doesn't even know if she wants to talk to him, or would rather hide in the shadows and be truthful when she tells the others she saw him. 

She keeps her head down as she thinks, watching her boots as she walks down the road. A noise catches her attention and she looks up, stopping when she sees a man walk from the bushes onto the road. Fear clutches at her throat when she sees he is armed and she drops her bag, preparing to reach for her dagger to defend herself. 

She looks up into his face and she stops breathing. Cullen stands in the road, staring at her with a blank expression. She takes in his form, seeing him standing tall and looking more fit than ever. He wears basic brown and red armor, his hand lightly resting on his sword hilt. He is tanner, evidently spending more time outside. His face is flush and younger looking; stress no longer causing him unrest. He says nothing as he stares under her hood, trying to see her. 

Ellana slowly reaches up and removes her hood, trying to gauge his reaction. His jaw clenches when she reveals herself and she tries to discern the meaning behind the move. 

“Inquisitor?” he asks and he takes a step forward. 

She almost turns and runs. But her feet keep her firmly planted so she takes a deep breath before going to speak. 

The hiss of an arrow reaches her ears and it breezes past her, lodging itself into a nearby tree. Ellana's eyes widen and she looks around, trying to see the direction it came from. 

Cullen runs towards her, tearing his shield off his back as he yells for her to get down. Ellana drops, grabbing her crossbow and securing itself onto her arm. She knocks an arrow and looks up and she cries out, “Cullen!”

Anger fills her as she watches the bandit crashes into Cullen from behind, knocking him to the ground. She raises her crossbow and tries to not wince in pain as she watches Cullen head bounce of the road and he is knocked out cold. She aims and looses the arrow, penetrating the bandit in the neck. His body drops next to Cullen's and she turns, looking for the others. 

Four more bandits come out of the trees and into the road. Ellana prepares another arrow and aims as a cry resounds from a nearby bush. Knight-Captain Rylen runs from his cover, shield up and sword raised as he charges the nearest bandit. 

Realization begins to dawn on Ellana as to the circumstances. She curses to herself but focuses, aiming for the bandit with the bow and arrow. 

She dodges quickly as an arrow is loosed at her. She does a leaping shot, using momentum to push her into the air and out of harms way. Her arrow hits the bandit in the arm and the bandit cries out. Ellana uses the distraction to her advantage, reaching into her cloak and grabbing a smoke bomb. 

She throws it into the ground and disappears. The two who were advancing look around in confusion and Ellana takes the moments reprieve to look towards Rylen. He fights the other two, the first one he had attacked ready to fall. He focuses on that one, putting his shield between himself and his second foe. Ellana pulls the dagger from her belt and makes her way over towards the group. She makes her way behind the the second bandit, coming up on his back and stabbing her dagger into his ribs. 

He falls and Rylen performs a finishing strike on the other bandit. Rylen gives Ellana a brief smile before they turn to the remaining bandits. Rylen charges into the pair and Ellana brings up her crossbow, knocking an arrow and aiming at the archer once more. She prepares an exploding shot, aiming for the archers legs. Her arrow hits true and the bandit cries out, falling to the ground and wailing in pain. 

Ellana walks over to the fallen bandit and hears a body thud to the ground. She glances at Rylen and he nods to her, sheathing his sword and scanning the area for any remaining foes. Ellana turns her attention back to the fallen bandit, crouching over him as he clutches at his leg. He stares at her and spits when she's close enough to hear his coarse voice, “Bitch.”

Ellana smiles, reaching out with her hand and grabbing the arrow protruding from his leg. It moves when she touches it and he cries out in pain. “Lets try that again, shall we?”

When she lets go he takes a deep breath and looks her in the eyes. His gaze travels towards her crossbow and the way it is attached to her arm. He gulps the air, fear filling his lungs. “Inquisitor?”

“The one and only,” Ellana grins. He doesn't respond so she asks, “Are there any more of you?”

“At a camp not far from here,” he responds immediately. 

“How many?”

“Six more.”

“Why were you attacking this road?” she continues to interrogate. 

“Why else? For money, to take what we need,” he scoffs. 

Ellana tsks at his tone, hand reaching for the arrow once more. He cries out prematurely, anticipating the pain. She withdraws her hand before she touches it, grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt. “You will go back to your camp and find the rest of your bandits and then leave. If you don't and you continue to attack the innocents traveling this road I will find you. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes,” he stutters. 

“Good. Now go,” Ellana says and withdraws. As soon as she's a foot away he scrambles to his feet, groaning in pain but stumbling away from her as fast as he can. 

Ellana turns to Rylen and sees him moving the bodies off of the road. She walks over to her bags and removes her crossbow, grimacing as it's released, Ellana having tied it too tight in her haste. Afterwards she walks up to Rylen and he says, “We'll have to contact the guard at the settlement and make them aware of what happened.”

Ellana nods and her eyes land on Cullen. She rushes over, chastising herself for having forgotten. She falls onto the ground beside him and touches his face, “Cullen?”

She hears Rylen walk over and she glances up at him. “He's alive,” he assures her. “Just passed out. Got knocked in the head really good.” Ellana nods and looks back at Cullen, taking stock of him despite Rylen’s assurances. 

She tries to revive him to no avail. She holds back a groan of frustration and asks, “Can you carry him?”

“No need,” Rylen says before he disappears. Ellana stares in confusion and then smiles when he brings out two horses. She helps Rylen hoist Cullen onto his horse and Ellana adjusts him into what she hopes is a comfortable position. Once he seems fine Ellana turns to Rylen and smiles softly. “Well that was exciting,” he laughs lightly. He glances at Cullen, “Shame he got knocked out so early. He missed some action.”

“Yeah,” Ellana hesitates. She shifts on her feet, ready to flee the encounter. 

“What are you doing out here?” Rylen asks. “I'll admit I'm surprised to see you.”

“Oh um… I was just passing through. I was in Denerim and was going to head to…. Redcliffe,” she stumbles, hoping Rylen doesn't notice her confusion. 

“Oh? Well why don't you come with us back to Cullen’s. I'm sure he'd want to catch up. He would be unhappy if you just left without stopping by for a little while,” Rylen suggests. 

Ellana hesitates, “I'm not…. I don't know if…”

Rylen shakes his head and walks over to her dropped bags. He grabs them and straps them onto the horses. “Come now, I insist.” 

Ellana sighs and allows Rylen to pull her to the horse Cullen resides upon. “Just for a little bit.”

“Good,” Rylen grins. “I think it's best if you ride with him, make sure he doesn't fall off. It's not too far but I don't want to take any chances.” 

Ellana holds back a groan and allows Rylen to help her onto the horse, holding Cullen back so she can slide in front of him. She grabs Cullen's hands and wraps them around her waist, folding his hands together to prevent him coming loose. His body leans forward against hers and she tries to ignore the feeling of his chest rising and falling on her back. She tucks her left arm against his, using it to keep him close as best she can. 

Ellana looks at Rylen and when he's mounted he nods. She grabs the lead and nods back, feeling as best secured she can be. He spurs the horse forward and she follows suite, hoping the ride goes smoothly. 

Rylen chats as they ride, telling Ellana about his trip from the Western Approach. She listens, attempting to distract herself from the weight against her back. His breath tickles her hair at her neck and she tries to not think that it's his lips she feels against the skin there. 

She listens to Rylen as he tells her of his arrival at South Reach. He describes the house and briefly touches on the preparations for his upcoming trials. Ellana frowns, remembering the purpose of Rylen's visit. She feels somewhat guilty, as if she had interrupted something personal. 

They round a corner and the house comes into sight. Ellana stares in surprise at the large building, but happiness takes over at the knowledge he was in such a good place. Rylen leads them towards the front and he tells her to wait while he takes his horse to the stable. The horse shifts underneath her as they wait, Cullen's body moving as well. Ellana reaches up instinctively, clutching his arm to her body to keep him still. 

Rylen approaches and he holds Cullen while she dismounts. Together they pull him off of the horse and Rylen says, “You mind taking him to the stables while I bring Cullen inside?”

Ellana nods and grabs the horse’s lead, bringing him to the stables. The air feels cold against her back, the absence of body heat stronger than she thought it would be. She takes the horse into the stall and heads towards the front door, ignoring the dread trying to pull her back. 

She steps into the foyer and looks around, trying to discern where Rylen had taken him. She hears a thump from upstairs followed by a light bark and takes that as a cue, climbing the stairs and following the sound. She turns right in the hallway and towards the open door, a few stumbling noises coming from inside. 

She nears the door and sees Rylen struggling to get Cullen into the bed, Toby standing at their feet. Ellana rushes over and grabs his other side, helping lead him onto the mattress. Once down Rylen groans, “He’s a bit heavier than he looks.”

Ellana laughs, “The armor might not have helped.”

“Right,” Rylen says, looking down at Cullen. “We can at least take the chest plate off. That doesn't look very comfortable.”

“Right,” Ellana agrees. She slowly helps Rylen as they extract the chest plate from Cullen. Once off they set it aside and stand beside the bed. 

“I think I'll go get some water and maybe food, in case he's hungry when he wakes. Will you stay here, keep an eye on him?” Rylen asks her. 

“Of course,” Ellana says. Rylen smiles and then leaves them. Ellana sighs, glancing around the room. Toby whines and Ellana looks down, smiling and petting the mabari, attempting to make soothing sounds. She spots a chair and pulls it beside the bed. She sits down and curls her body into the chair, fatigue starting to seep in. Toby approaches the chair and rests his head on the space by her feet, looking from her to Cullen. She weakly pats him again, not knowing what else to do to comfort him. She had been walking all night and morning before they found her, Ellana not wanting to stop and convince herself to turn around. Now she was here she began to worry she had made a mistake. 

Her gaze lands on the nightstand beside his bed. She spots a dried stem of a peony flower. Ellana slowly reaches out and touches the stem, confused and surprised to see the flower. She frowns and looks around, trying to see signs of any other occupant. The flower, to her, is the sign of a woman's touch. It being next to his bed on his nightstand makes her think the flower has strong meaning, and Ellana suddenly wants to leave. 

“No!” Ellana hears and she turns towards the bed. Cullen's eyes remains closed but are tightly shut, a frown on his face. “No, don't,” he pleads. 

Ellana moves closer to the bed, touching his arm lightly. “Cullen?” she asks. 

He takes a deep breath and his face relaxes. Ellana waits for him to open his eyes but he doesn't. After another moment of silence she moves away and back into the seat. 

Footsteps come up the stairs and into the room. Rylen walks in with a tray of food and water. “Anything?” he asks. 

“No,” Ellana says, biting her lip. 

Rylen nods, “Could be a while.” He crosses his arms and they sit in silence for a moment. “Did you want me to relieve you? You could go look around or…” he hesitates. 

“No, I'm fine,” she says. 

He nods, “Well I'll go and get our things from the horses. If you need anything, just let me know.”

"I will,” Ellana smiles. Rylen nods and then leaves the room, calling for Toby to follow, leaving her alone with Cullen. 

Ellana brings her legs up and against her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees. She leans back against the chair, eyes focused on Cullen as he sleeps. 

Her eyes slowly droop closed as she watches his chest rise and fall. She fights the fatigue, trying to stay awake, and fails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Note added 11/23*  
> I currently may be obsessed with Fallout 4, therefore this story is on hiatus. I do plan on returning at one point to finish this story, as I still love it and hope to come back one day. I apologize, but hopefully it won't be too long! (Probably not, as I love Dragon Age too much and always get back into it)
> 
> Much love,  
> Meg


End file.
